Cookie Warfare, Thieving Companies, & Crazy Boss’
by PurpleCranberi
Summary: Shopping gone wrong. It’s that time of year and the Black Order heads out to the world of shopping. However when grudges, chess and lyrics get in the way, can they actually achieve their goal? T for language and suggestive lyrics


Hey everyone who decided to look into this story. It was inspired by well my need to go Christmas shopping, desperately. It sparked my creative juices and that's what we have now. A short story.

**Summary: **Shopping gone wrong. It's that time of year and the Black Order heads out to the world of shopping. However when grudges, chess and lyrics get in the way, can they actually achieve their goal?

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, especially not -man.**

Warnings: No purpose whatsoever, just random ideas. No pairings; just friends.

The entire story is a flashback, practically.

Enjoy!

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_And so this is Christmas  
__I hope you have fun  
__The near and the dear one  
The old and the young_

_-"Happy Christmas (War is over)" - John Lennon_

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**Cookie Warfare, Thieving Companies, & Crazy Boss' **

It had started out harmless. Everything was supposed to be normal.

Allen had not anticipated that with being an exorcist nothing pertains to being normal. He didn't understand that some actions held dire consequences, such as this one.

Sitting in a stingy, cold cell sat the exorcists. The day was normal, but ended up with them being jailed.

All twelve of them were thrown, literally, into this slightly massive cell that held those who were waiting phone calls, or bail outs. They weren't in prison, just in a community jail.

Allen still couldn't fathom how that actually occurred.

_Flashback_

Searching for secret Santa gifts is what led them to the mall, in search of the 'perfect' or affordable gifts. Unfortunately and unknown to them, there were others among them for gifts during the gift-giving season. Approximately over 2,000 bargain hunting shoppers were dancing, prancing and Lavi swore he saw some skip down to stores in search of that sale...or as Best Buy describes the 'Oh my God, No way!' gifts.

However, Lavi, Kanda, Allen and Lenalee had not prepared. They had no idea what to get for anyone they received.

"What about a soccer ball for Daisya?" Lenalee hummed out loud, as they slowly swam through the hordes of people searching for gifts.

"He likes soccer?" Allen curiously asked moving out of a woman's way so she could rush off to wherever she was heading.

"Yes." Kanda responded, "loves it. Perfect idea Lenalee," He smiled, which only made Allen gawk at him. He never knew Kanda could actually smile, though it was more along the lines of a smirk. "And I have one back at my room. So I'm done, I can leave," he stated swiftly turning around to make an exit towards the bus terminal in which they arrived at.

"Yuuu, do you mean that soccer ball that is dirty with mud stains, the colour fading fast so it looks like a white and grey-ish ball, along with the fact there is a purple patch on the side of the ball from a poorly done repair job, and the fact that your name, well actually your surname is written across the ball diagonally in green permanent marker, and that there is now somehow a new gaping hole in the ball, and it caused it to become deflated, do you mean that soccer ball?" Lavi asked curiously as he stretched and placed both hands behind his head.

"What is your point?" he asked looking at Lavi like it was a stupid question, obviously that was the ball he was talking about.

"None just wanted to clarify" he mocked and continued walking.

"Why is there another hole in it?" Allen asked innocently peering back at Kanda.

Kanda spun to glare at Allen, speaking to him with his eyes, as though it was between him and the soccer ball. Something personal and Allen decided not to pursue the question any further.

"So, what you're saying to me, is that you're going to give one of your closest friends a used soccer ball that I gave to you a few years back?" Lenalee asked staring at Kanda.

"Yes, I don't see your point," he blankly stated and marched past Allen and Lenalee and was now leading the way through the mall.

She smirked and followed behind him along with Allen and Lavi.

As they walked past the Starbucks coffee shop, on the opposite side of the mall hallway stood a gathering of shoppers, watching something...looked like a fight from their angle.

"Just drop it will you!" came an outraged voice from just outside the pet store's entrance.

"No!" came a more powerful annoyed and angered voice from the same direction, "She did it on purpose and I will not get over it!" the male fumed and huffed.

Allen and Lavi gazed over to the commotion, intrigued to what was happening, while Lenalee rolled her eyes and Kanda...well Kanda didn't react.

Lavi grabbed Allen's arm and dragged him over to the crowd, and watched from the sidelines as a fight was surely going to take place, or he hoped. He always wanted to witness a fist fight between to upset shoppers. He wanted to see them brawl.

However that only resulted in a fit of laughter. He realized who was fighting; he turned around to find Kanda so he could drag him over only to discover he had followed Lenalee into the clothing store on the opposite side of the hall.

"Look it was four months ago, learn to forgive and move on," came a muttered reply from one of the men, who Allen recognized immediately.

"Suman what are you doing here?" he whispered only audible for Lavi to hear, and he chuckled.

"I don't know but whatever it is, he picked a fight with Daisya, this is going to be fun." He grinned and watched them banter.

"Why should I?" the soccer played huffed, "she took it to rub it in my face and she knows it!" he stated harshly and glared at said female who was standing among the crowd of people, she smiled sweetly almost making Allen choke.

"Fo?" he questioned looking at the girl and her unique wardrobe, yes it was her, and he wondered why she was in the secret Santa at headquarters, then he thought about why Bak was in it too. I mean they were from the Asian branch, shouldn't they have their own separate secret Santa's, but that was for another time.

"You're over-reacting," came a clam voice from behind Suman, and Lavi smirked even more.

"Marie," he whispered and watched them continue on, "this is going to be good."

"No I am not" Daisya replied seriously, dropping the hostility in his voice, making Allen question what happened, "she purposely did it, I know she did. She knew how badly I wanted it. She knew it, and then like playing with my soul she took it away so suddenly, not once but twice. She purposely destroyed my life." He pretended to sob, while Lavi just gaped at them, 'What the heck are they talking about' he wondered as he watched Marie roll his eyes.

"It was a friggin cookie, Daisya, get over it!" he replied and walked towards Fo.

"It wasn't just any cookie Marie, it was my cookie. It called my name. I was looking forward to eating it, I had just got back from an assignment and I saw Jerry had made cookies, I wanted to have one, but **she** showed up and just stuffed it in her mouth," he said disgusted and hurt, "It was calling me Marie. You have to understand that." He pleaded with the older male who just brushed him off.

"Daisya you really are over reacting," Suman muttered and locked eyes with Lavi and smiled, "and we have people staring," he muttered also, noticing the crowd of shoppers glaring at them with amusement or annoyance, he couldn't really tell.

Daisya pouted as Suman smiled and approached Lavi and Allen.

"Hello Lavi, Allen," he smiled and walked over to them, leaving a stunned Daisya who had just spotted who Suman was talking to.

"Hello Suman!" Allen replied, Lavi however didn't say anything and just nodded his head in recognition.

"Shopping are we?" he asked very politely but it seemed a little...rude.

"Yes, and we should go, Kanda and Lenalee are waiting for us." Lavi pointedly stated and walked away dragging Allen with him as they marched back to where they last saw Lenalee and Kanda.

Lavi smiled as he took note of the perfect store to purchase his secret Santa gift from. He wasn't sure if it was the best of ideas but he had to do something for the poor guy, it was Christmas after all, he had to attempt to make an effort. Well...he was told that.

(Three minutes later)

"That's robbery!" came a cry from inside the store, and Kanda rolled his eyes. The redhead was doing something again, and Kanda wasn't going to help.

"I don't care, it's robbery!" he announced loudly, and Lenalee went in to help him out, while Allen and Kanda shrugged and also followed behind her into the store.

Inside stood Lavi at the cash register protesting to the young man behind it, with a look of fury on his face.

"Look sir, I can't fix the price. Company policy. If you are dissatisfied with the price I suggest you try elsewhere" he smirked knowing that the item that Lavi picked up was only available at that particular store in this mall.

"Yuuu, come here and tell this man that $40 for a chess board is a smidge overboard in pricing," he begged looking over at Kanda for support.

Kanda grunted, "Do I know you?" and went back to browsing the shelves.

Lavi gawked, and his eyes held betrayal. He sighed and forked over the cash to the cashier who only smirked at his victory, causing Lavi to eye him and make mental note to steal Mugen to slaughter the man later in his life. Trust me, he would, for $40, it would be worth it.

"You bought it?" Kanda eyed him suspiciously, he was just shouting about robbery and he bought it anyway.

"Stupid thieving companies," he muttered darkly and nodded his head, "Yes I bought it, I didn't have much choice." He muttered darkly and began walking towards yet another store.

"Thanks by the way for the help, you're a lovely friend" he sarcastically bit out as he noticed that Allen and Lenalee were doing their damnest to ignore them.

He sighed and shifted his bag into his left hand and walked around the corner tailing Lenalee and Allen to only be greeted with a whole other group of exorcists walking right towards them. Allen and Lenalee had stopped walking causing Lavi and Kanda to remain still as well.

"It's Daisya." Kanda stated as he stared at his friend, thankfully he didn't have his secret Santa gift with him.

"Guys, what's up?" called the soccer player as he waltzed over and slung his arm around Kanda, Allen stared in shock that the teen was not shoved and throttled down the escalators.

"Shopping!" Lavi exclaimed happily displaying his gift proudly.

"I see. Let's go together" he muttered, as the rest of the group in front of Lenalee, and Allen groaned, obviously not liking the idea of shopping with the other exorcists.

Lenalee sighed and placed headphones in her ears. She was going to tune them out to remain sane, and began following Suman and Marie in the direction they had previously came from.

It was about a minute later they were faced with disaster.

Lenalee was singing along with a song, "Love me, hate me, say what you want about me, but all the boys and all of the girls are begging me if you seek Amy. Love me, hate me, but can't you see what I see, but all the boys and all of the girls are begging me if you seek Amy."

Lavi just rolled his eyes, while Kanda glared at Lenalee who obviously wasn't paying attention; she probably didn't even care in Allen's opinion and continued their way down the halls of the mall.

Sadly they did not know that there were people who heard and were spying on them.

Standing around the corner stood the two heads, and two members of the science department. All, except one, well maybe two, wishing to be elsewhere.

Reever had gone along with his boss to ensure nothing stupid happens; Johnny came because he didn't want to go alone to the mall, and Reever offered to go with him. Koumi came to keep his eyes on his baby sister, while Bak came just for the heck of it.

However, upon hearing those lyrics, something stirred in Koumi. That something was never good.

Lenalee had started singing, which was not abnormal, what he was singing made Koumi want to kill everyone. He heard her utter, "Love me, hate me, say what you want about me, but all the boys and all of the girls are begging me to F. U. C. K me," he was shocked.

Rage built up in him, _who where these girls and boys begging her for...her innocence_! He cried in his head, gripping it and began staring around the mall, _I bet it's him. Or him, or maybe that man right there, or that teenage girl right there. _He glared at every and any walking object that had eyesight, or was able to talk. They were begging his innocent sister for something he didn't want to even think about.

A twinkle came into his eyes, and he pulled out a remote and switched it on. The earth rumbled and came crashing through the roof of the mall sat Kourin V, the new and improved previous versions. He would not betray Koumi and he trusted the machine to take out anyone even daring to glance in Lenalee's direction.

He started laughing; causing Reever and Johnny to step away from him, and Bak just smirked. He was enjoying this, even if he thought Koumi was crazy, it was funny to watch.

The machine walked right up to the teen exorcists, causing them all to halt in their paths. Kanda attempted to reach for a nonexistent sword that would be by his side, only to realize that Lenalee had told him the general public frowned upon weapons at the mall. He was sure that they also frowned upon insane bosses and their machines.

Allen looked petrified as though traumatized by the machine, and Lenalee looked unimpressed by the thing in front of them.

Mall security came rushing up to them and asked them what was going on, only to have maniacal laughing erupt through the intercom, "Whoever so much looks at my sister will feel the wrath of Kourin V!" he announced to the mall.

"Five?" Lavi questioned looking up at the monster, "What happened to the first four?" he curiously asked, which he received answers by Allen glaring at him, and Kanda smirking at him.

He shook his head and looked at the machine, "This is Koumi's doing?" asked a interested Marie who was eyeing the robot in front of him, which had suddenly attacked a local department store that had come out to see the commotion.

"Yes" Lenalee huffed and took out her head phones. Before they could move an inch there was head cuffs around their arms, each of them. This baffled them.

"What is the meaning of this?" Kanda hollered annoyed that there was cold metal touching his skin.

"You know who created this and why it's happening, we would like you to come down to the station with us." Replied an uniformed officer, obviously outside help. That was a fast response time, Allen mentally thought as he was being pushed through the mall doors and onlookers stared at the monster that donned their halls.

Koumi, Bak, Reever and Johnny later joined the teens in the jail cell they were so nicely, and peacefully escorted to. They were found in the security booth broadcasting curses and threats to those who took his precious sister away, and now they were a cell.

_End Flashback_

Allen didn't understand, he did nothing wrong yet he was still in this cell. It had been an hour, he wanted free.

He sighed and took a seat next to Lavi who was attempting very poorly to hide his gift from Suman, but the man had obviously seen the bag. For some reason the cops had let Lavi keep the bag, after he put up a fight claiming it cost him an arm and a leg to get.

Daisya was spouting on now about his cookie.

Nobody, besides Lavi had gotten any shopping done, the purpose of that day's spree...even if Kanda claims that soccer ball will do justice. He sighed knowing what had to be done, another day at the mall. Doom fell upon him.

Allen placed his head in his hands and huffed. This was going to be a long night.

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So that's it. How'd you like it?

Song Lenalee was singing belongs to Britney Spears, If U seek Amy

**Review please. **

Kanda got Daisya for secret Santa, and Lavi got Suman. As for the rest, I didn't mention them but I had an idea.

I honestly came up with this idea while I was at the mall, and I wondered what it would be like if Kanda went shopping for gifts, and then boom, we have this small one-shot.

Happy Holidays

I hope your Christmas shopping isn't anything like that I described.


End file.
